Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
