Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
