Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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