chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize