I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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