where's my purse there's an important taco in it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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