We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
