i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize