i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
