Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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