Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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