guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
