So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
