a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I supernannyed him into submission
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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