Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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