he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
