Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Randomize
