i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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