There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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