she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
