Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize