I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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