dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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