why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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