my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
