I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
How's work?
Spinning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
