I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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