I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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