well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Everything about him screamed your future.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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