even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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