**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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