I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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