my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
