U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
