just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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