remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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