So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
