New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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