I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
