his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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