She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
