I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
