A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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