sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
