i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
