You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
