And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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