I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
