Too much gin, very little bucket
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
