P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
