Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
