Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come see our sink grown plant.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
