I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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