ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
