I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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