I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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