Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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