If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
