the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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